Breast Milk Woes

Having a new born comes with all kinds of stress attached to the countless joys. The sleepless nights, many breast feeding sessions, cries, sometimes screams, droopy eyed diaper changes, and the illusion of sleep that taunts you.

With my daughter Julia I was shy about breastfeeding anywhere but my own house and ended up only being able to breast feed for a month, IF that long. This time round I was, and am, completely determined to breast feed as long as I'm physically able and my son is willing to.

I read books, searched articles, found lactation tips and recipes, found out different ways to latch, looked up different feeding positions, anything that had to do with breast feeding I looked it up and read about it. I was feeling very confident until recently.

Once my milk actually came in it was very apparent that my flow was too fast for baby Oliver. I tried everything to try and slow it down/help him be able to eat without choking or gagging and spitting up what he just ate. I leaned back to nurse, I laid down to nurse, I tried pumping a little before nursing, and time and time again it was the same. Especially at night when it was longer between his feedings.

I've come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to solely pump until he's able to handle a faster milk flow. It truly breaks my heart that I have to put a hold on exclusively nursing until hes a week or two older and hopefully, crossing my fingers and toes, he'll be big enough to handle a faster flow. At the very least its still breast milk, but I truly love having that mother and baby bond with my son that I missed out on with my daughter.

I just want to encourage all breast feeding moms out there not to give up. I've heard the first few months are the hardest and I'm barely finishing my first month at it. I can say with confidence that nursing is hard and complicated when you try to go out and about because you have to stop and sit to feed baby instead of plowing through and popping a bottle in their mouth. (Which I personally view as a form of neglect - propping a baby bottle up and walking away to go do whatever you please until the baby is done eating. You can't regulate how much they eat or burp them accordingly to how much they consume and how quickly they eat it. For a few seconds if you need to grab something or use the rest room, sure, but not the entire bottle feeding.)

I'm hoping that very soon I can go back to exclusively nursing. At least before I HAVE to go back to work to help pay our bills seeing as how all of our money is going to just ONE bill right now. Those of you who know me personally should know which one that is. If I'm very lucky, then God will provide a way for me to continue to stay home with our kids and I can take care of them instead of having someone else watch them for me.

There is no one better to take care of, teach, or play with my children than me and my husband. And I will never believe that someone else should be watching my children more often than I do.

-Mrs. C

SIDS? I Don't Buy It.

Now before all of you internet trolls start going off simply by the title I want to just start by saying that a sudden death, especially an infant death of any kind, is tragic. But I will openly say that I dont believe in "SIDS" why? Well lets start by breaking down SIDS.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Those four words (to me) are the biggest oxymoron I've ever come to contact with. How can a 'sudden' death possibly be a syndrome? Why don't adult sudden deaths have the tag of syndrome at the end when it can't be explained? Because it's simply a sudden unexplained death, NOT a syndrome.

Now lets break down the definition of syndrome.
"A group of symptoms that consistently occur together or a condition characterized by a set of associated symptoms"
I want to point out that there are NO symptoms of SIDS whatsoever. No cause has been found, no symptoms leading up to it, no nothing. Simply a precious baby sleeping and not waking up. The definition of syndrome doesn't even come close to SIDS whatsoever. So how can something that has no cause, no symptoms, and no explanation be preventable?

All of the baby products that say "may reduce the risk of SIDS" is just a marketing ploy to get paranoid and ignorant parents to spend their money on their product. And the number one thing they say to avoid? Laying your baby on their stomach. There is such a huge controversy about never letting your baby sleep on their stomach because it can increase the risk of SIDS. Know what it indefinitely increases the risk of? Choking to death. It doesn't matter how much you burp or get spit up out of your baby, they can still spit up in their sleep. And especially the newest babies can't control their neck movement as well so they can't easily turn their head to get the spit up back out.

Now, if you're a mom who doesn't want to take any risks, that's fine! Every mom is entitled to raising and taking care of their children in their own belief systems.  But personally, I don't believe SIDS is a true "condition" - all it is, is a tragic moment for a family when a small baby just cant sustain their bodily norms on their own anymore.

The reason why they say laying a baby on their stomach increases the risk of SIDS is because every infant I've known prefers to sleep on their stomach as opposed to their backs. And even laying them on their backs they turn over (once they're old enough) and insist on sleeping on their stomachs. So, naturally,  there would be a bigger number of SIDS cases where infants were found on their stomachs as opposed to their backs.

I am a good mom. Proud of how far I've come and the kids I've raised thus far. I lay my son on his stomach every time I place him in his bed, and I am very glad I have because in the past three weeks alone he's avoided choking on his own spit up on 4 different occassions.

Also, they emphasize 'dont use pillows in the crib' 'dont use extra blankets' 'dont put stuffed animals in the crib' 'dont pull the blanket up to the baby's neck' 'dont swaddle them very tight' etc. All of those things they claim increase risk of SIDS but in actuality they don't. Any parent who does any of those things and something happens to their child is neglect to not take the proper precautions and to check on your baby as often as you can. To me, SIDS is just a cop out. Until actual medical proof and scientific data prove a cause and cure for it, I don't buy into it at all.

Yes, I trust my children's pediatrician. To a certain extent. These days doctors are so very quick to shove medicine and pills towards you instead of actually trying to find a natural or healthier way to help a problem. Obviously if my children have an illness where they need antibiotics I'm going to make sure they get their medication. But I'm not going to listen to a bunch of high riding, self righteous, doctor's that aren't pediatricians I trust to tell me what I should and shouldn't do for my children to have the best lives that I can give.

Myself and all my brothers were laid on their stomachs, all of my nieces and nephews were laid on their stomachs, my daughter was laid on her stomach, and NOTHING happened. Because letting a baby sleep on their stomach isn't a crime. And to make a mother feel like they have to lay their children a certain way, feed them a certain way, give them certain products, avoid certain products, and so on is the true crime! I already believe our country is getting too far into dictating our personal lives but I will not let the government or any organization tell me how to raise my children.

I believe in how my parents raised me and how the true America was back in the days when kids didnt rule everything parents did. Where we weren't raising a bunch of sissy kids that can't take a single form of rejection or understand why they can't get their way. Our kids are turning into over weight, unhealthy, selfish, and feeling entitled to everything kids. Obviously not every kid is like that because there are still good parents out there that want to instill true values into their kids. But majority of the US is falling into step of just letting everyone else lead them into how they're going raise their kids it sincerely saddens me.

I love my kids. More than my own life itself. But I will raise them my way and no one else's. And I won't let anyone make me feel guilty about that. Only my husband and I know our kids and what they need best. If you disagree and think you can raise my kids better than me? Kick rocks on your way out. :)

-Mrs. C

Stranger Danger - Everyone Just wants To Argue

So if you don't already know, I've been MIA recently because I finally had my son :) he was born Wednesday March 19th at 7:29am weighing in at 6lbs 8.5oz and measuring 20" long. He was born in a matter of 3 hours and he was (and is) sheer perfection!

As a Christian, for religious purposes we already knew we wanted to circumcise our son from the moment we found out we were having a boy. BUT there were also many medical reasons why we decided that this preventative surgery was the best route to go. My husband worked as a CNA in a nursing home and has seen many issues arise from an uncircumcised man not being able to fully care for himself and needing to depend on an orderly that may not always "have the time" to clean another man.

My husband and I researched many MEDICAL websites and journals online and found that the pros to getting our precious son this 5 minute snip of a surgery was truly for the best later on down the line. And again this was OUR personal conclusion and view point, in no way what so ever am I trying to talk down on parents who choose not to circumcise. Every mother knows what's best for their children.

Like most women these days, I'm obsessed with posting pictures of my kids on FaceBook and InstaGram. After my son's surgery last monday and my husband changed his diaper for the first time he was definitely tired out and had fallen asleep preciously on my chest. I took a picture, posted it to IG and had mistakenly hashtagged "circumcision" on the photo.

I cannot tell you how many hateful, spiteful, vindictive, and just plain cruel comments I got on that photo. One woman said I was "tragically misinformed and should save your future sons from a soon to be outlawed procedure". Another went so far as to 'directly' talk to my son saying "I'm sorry you weren't perfect enough for your mommy baby boy. So sad." And that's only the tip of the ice burg. There were about 40-50 comments that were very close to the same that I just wrote above. Some of my good friends came to help and started to go off on all of them saying that bashing on me was no way to go about getting their 'team uncut' views out to people.

I would never do anything to unnecessarily hurt or injure my son. But my husband, father, brothers, nephews, and other son are all circumcised and my husband, as a man, likes the fact he's circumcised and has the parental right to have his sons the same as him for medical and cleanliness reasons.

It's a very sad day when anyone that has a view different from the world is harassed and bullied the way that the world supposedly is against. I didnt personally know a single woman that went off on me about getting my sons surgery. And you know what their main focus was? 'If he wants to get it done later in life he can' which is all fine and dandy. But getting it done as an adult as opposed to an infant is one of the most painful surgeries because he's grown bigger and there's more complications to the surgery than simply clamping and snipping the foreskin off.

And what did my many friends have to say on the subject? Nothing but good things! I have many girlfriend's who decided not to get their sons circumcised and not a single one bashed me or claimed I was abusing my son for having it done. Just like I wasnt bashing them or claiming their sons will forever be unclean. Its a parental choice. Like breast feeding or formula feeding. Like home schooling or public schooling. Its a parenting choice thats up to the parent NOT a bunch of strangers.

My husband and I didnt decide to get it done because it was the most popular thing to do. We thoughtfully weighed the pros and cons and prayed about it before deciding indefinitely about which route we would go.

The world is falling and becoming such a walking hypocrisy it makes my head spin. They say not to harass those that dont have the same religious views but if the world that is nonreligious in any way views different they have free reign to lay into someone and make them feel inferior? They say bullying is wrong and that we need to all live peacefully together, except in a situation where the world is against someone's religious beliefs and thinks they're wrong? It saddens me and sickens me that we've gotten to this point in this world.

I am one GOOD mother. I may not be perfect and I know I'm always learning and tweaking my parenting styles, but I am not an abuser. I am not neglectful. I am not cruel. Don't agree? I have a full force of friends and family standing behind me stating otherwise. And guess what? Not all of them see things the same way I do. But they sure as hell aren't going to let anyone slander my parenting ability simply because our views are different.

I love my family and friends for always being there for me. But most of all? I LOVE MY CHILDREN. I would die for each of them. Blood or not they're my family and they are a part of my heart that I will protect and cherish until the end of time. And there isn't anything anyone can say to take that from me.

-Mrs. C

Is The Medical Field Declining?

If you're a good friend of mine you know that I've got into the hospital twice so far expecting to have my son but being sent home with nothing more than the nurses shrugging their shoulders and patting my back. Last Monday, 3-10-14, I swore that my water broke and I kept having regular contractions 3-4 minutes apart that were stronger than I've had this pregnancy. I was there for 4 hours and went from being 0 to 1.5 cm dilated and 70% effaced. After being monitored for 2 more hours and my contractions getting closer together and stronger I was sent home and told to come back when they get stronger. I was confused and upset because my biggest fear is not making it to the hospital in time.

Instead of doing anything or letting me walk I was sent home with ambien to help me "sleep through the pain" because that's just really smart to sleep through contractions and not know when to come back in. The next day my contractions were still coming every few minutes but had slightly lessened in strength. Last night, 3-15-14, I went back into the hospital having contractions so strong they were pulling me in half and putting so much pressure in my pelvic region I swore my son was going to fall out any minute. My contractions were getting to be 1-2 minutes apart and anywhere from 30-40 seconds in length. After getting all strapped up their monitoring system was saying that I was only getting them every 3-4 minutes, but they were off the charts strong. Got checked and was first told I was at a 2.5 dilation. Actually was able to walk for an hour and kept having contractions I couldn't talk through, and had to stop and breathe through.

After walking I wasnt strapped back to the monitor and was told the frequency between my contractions didnt matter and only my cervical dilation progress did. And somehow i magically went from a 2.5 back down to a 2. And I was once again sent home with agonizingly painful and close contractions. My OB kept telling me we just needed to make it to 37 weeks and then I could get up off of bed rest, walk and let this baby come. Now, all of the sudden, they wont help my labor until 39 weeks!! In my opinion, this scares the living crap out of me that I keep getting sent home. Obviously my son is trying to make his way out but I keep getting turned away.

My body is starting to get stressed because I've had 7 days of non stop contractions that are as strong as I remember them with my daughter's labor and frequent and close together. Since when do the health care professionals uphold getting abortions as far as 20 weeks or more, but having your baby that you WANT and have done everything to keep them and yourselves healthy for a healthy birth only 2 weeks early is preposterous! I am completely disgusted with where the American medical field is going. All I have to say is this...

If ANY thing happens to my son, including being born at home or in transport to the hospital, I will give the media a circus act worth reporting on. I will have every news station reporting the story about my son. It shouldn't be easy and quick to kill a baby in utero simply because a woman can't deal with the consequences of her actions but the equivalent to getting to the moon in order to have help getting your perfectly healthy and WANTED baby out of utero so they can survive.

I am the wrong woman if they think I'll just lay down and take it if something goes wrong with my son because of their inability to know when I'm in labor and it needs help progressing faster than days.

-Mrs. C

I'm Sorry I'm Not Sorry

I may not be a perfect parent, but I know I'm the best that I can be to the children I have. Children, just like people, are different in many ways. Some kids are whirlwinds that can just keep going no matter how they fall, trip, are spoken to, or are treated. Its almost like those kids are so resilient that nothing can really touch them, they fall down so hard they just bounce back up ready to keep running. Other kids are the complete opposite. Everything will set them off, make them cry, scare them, or intimidate them. Recently I got into a big argument with a family member over how I was talking to their kids and my kids all together. Without going far into detail the kids were all being unfair to one child which was wrong. In a normal voice, no yelling or raising it, I sternly let the kids know they needed to stop being so unkind and include everyone where not only one child was left out.

The kids all just said "Okay" and bounced along just fine like nothing had happened. But this family member decided that I had no right to speak to their kids this way or even MY kids. Now I'm sorry, but no matter who you are, you don't tell me how I can speak to my children. Especially when I was only talking and wasnt even raising my voice in any way shape or form.

This family member had the audacity to tell me that their kids are terrified of me and hate how I speak to them. Really? I'm pretty sure that NO child likes being scolded or told that the can't do something they want to do or need to stop doing something that they want to do. Now this family members kids are all incredibly sensitive and ridiculously obedient. To the point where you can just raise an eyebrow and they'll do what you ask. Not every child is like this. Especially not my kids.

Some kids are very easily guided while others will kick and scream and fight you just for the sake of doing it even when they have no problem with where you're trying to guide them. My biggest problem with this whole situation is the fact that I was made to feel like an inadequate parent simply because I parent different than this family member does. They literally took me outside and scolded me like I was their own child doing wrong, which I'm not.

I love my family but this member of the family has a bad problem with getting on the high horse and getting so accustomed to being up there they think that no one else is ever right but them. And after trying to talk to them a second time to get them to see things from my perspective they couldn't have cared less. The only thing important was their being right and my bowing out and acknowledging that i was wrong and would never do it again.

This is my apology. I'm sorry I dont have kids that can be spoken to in a whisper and still obey. I'm sorry I believe in teaching my children to respect me and understand that I am the parent and they have no authority over me. I'm sorry for instilling a sense of responsibility in my children by making sure they aren't selfish. I'm sorry that I believe children shouldn't be allowed to manipulate an adult by claiming they're "scared" simply because they didn't want to do what that adult asked them to do. But most of all I'm sorry that your children, unlike mine, are going to be ripped apart in the real world when the first person they have to deal with decides to tear into them because that's what the world teaches. I refuse to shelter my children to the point that they have no clue about the unnecessary cruelty in the world and will run and hide at the first sign of difficulty. I'm sorry that you refuse to open your eyes to any opinion other than your own. And lastly, I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

I'm not a perfect parent. But I am a damn good one that learns just like every other parent in the world. Through trial and error. It took a lot for me to finally see that I wasn't the one to blame. That I wasn't the one with the problem. But with my husband and other family members and friends reminding me of how far I've come and the amazing things I'm doing for my kids right now I can hold my head up high and say with confidence that I am a GREAT mom.

Its just too bad that you refuse to see it.

-Mrs. C

Parents Just Aren't Parents Anymore

Parenting is such a wide and diverse topic to talk about, there are so many different ways to parent and still be great at teaching your kids the fundamental building blocks that they need for a great future. However, there are still parents whose techniques just dont work or are just dangerous and lazy.

Today I ventured into the WIC office to get some much needed help with the struggles my husband and I have been facing. Especially since his ex is trying to squeeze money out of him this next week in a mediation when there is literally no money to give without taking away a vital utility in our house.

Personally, I dont care much for public places because these days most people have absolutely no sense for personal space or just plain respect for another human being. Today I was reminded exactly why I dislike being around a bunch of random people. As Julia and I sit waiting to be called back and more and more people come to wait, there were two women who's incidents with their kids sincerely shocked me.

One woman had 3 kids that looked to be the ages of 5, 3, and an infant who looks like she had just learned to crawl. The baby was crawling on the floor and the mom walking beside her, nothing shocking about that, its good to let your little ones get a sense of freedom if there's room and if it isn't a filthy place. But the older two took off across the room and were about to round a corner out of sight from mom. The mom calls for them to come back and these kids look right at her, laugh and keep running. Right back into the cubicles where people are trying to work! Logical action? Pick up your crawling baby, get your two older brats and make sure they know that YOU are the parent and they need to obey you, right? Oh no, this lady LEAVES her no more than 7 month old and goes out of sight from her to get the older kids and doesn't even physically get them she stands for a good 5 minutes calling them to come and they dont listen until and employee makes them.

Now, I know I can be a strict parent sometimes but this, to me, is terrible parenting and even more so, its dangerous! Anyone could have stolen that baby!! And please, lets address this whole 'leaving kids to choose to obey you if they feel like it'.

Im sorry if it comes off harsh but simply telling your child 100 times to stop isn't going to make them stop. You need to physically pick them up, hold their hand, slap their wrist, spank them, hold them in a time out, ANYTHING that gets it through to the child that they dont run you or any other adult. How do you think that child will act as a 10 year old? 14 year old? Or even an adult? They're being raised with absolutely no respect for authority.

The second woman had three kids as well but a bit older. 6, 4, and 1 or 1 1/2. The oldest was a little girl who had no idea what personal space meant. She walked straight up to me and Julia leaned into us and asked us our names, where we lived, why we're there, and on and on. It took the mom about 5 or so minutes to read my 'you need to get your child off of a stranger before the stranger moves her off' look on my face. But that was nothing compared to what happened with her 4 and 1 year old.

The 4 year old was building with foam blocks and the 1 year old was trying to crawl around his big brother because the brother had sat right in front of him and put the baby between his back and the wall. There was no room for the baby to crawl except straight through the foam blocks. This little boy shoved his baby brothers head straight into the table and told him to stop ruining his building. This I only saw from the corner of my eye so I didnt say anything because I wasn't 100% sure of what I saw. The baby was crying and mom was as absorbed in her phone as she could be. The baby tries again to go past his brother (I'm watching this time) and he straight body slams this infant into the floor onto his back!

I tell the mom exactly what happens and what's her reaction?? As calm as a sweet summer breeze she says "Now is that okay?" I swear she didnt talk more than a whisper. "You need to come sit down for 5 minutes because that earned you a time out. We dont hurt people." And of course because mom is acting all sweet as candy the 4 year old is having a fit that he's being told he can't play with his beloved blocks anymore. She asks him twice, he doesn't budge and just whines and yells he doesn't want to sit in time out. She stands up and goes to pick him up and he "hmpff's" and throws himself on the floor and she just stands there! She tries again to ask him, nothing. She tries again to pick him up, same reaction. After three or four time of this the kid is finally threatened that he'd get a spanken at home if he didnt listen and the kid basically ran to time out. Umm...? That should have been the first reaction to slamming your tiny brother into the ground without remorse. Which, by the way she never made him apologize or check to make sure the baby was even ok.

This parenting behavior just blew me out of the water. Now I know everyone has different opinions on how to discipline kids, and that's fine. But you have to find something that WORKS to where your kids will respect, listen, and obey what you as the parent are telling them to do or not to do. Many of you might now that if Julia had done that she would have gotten a spanking then and there without hesitation. She would have had a talking to about what she shouldn't have done and why. I would have repeated the conversation until she thoroughly understood what she did wrong, why it was wrong, and something she could have done instead that might have worked. Also, and most importantly, I would have explained that I only spank and correct her because I love her and I want her to make the best choices that she can and be the sweetest little girl that she can be.

So many parents are just too exhausted or lazy or just dont care to invest the actual time into their children to ensure they become good people and not convicts or criminals. It breaks my heart and lights an angry fire to my core when I see parents who shouldn't have any kids or who are making dangerous or reckless mistakes.

"Honor your mother and father and love your neighbor as yourself." -Matthew 19:19

Something every child should learn and have etched into their mind. Even if you just see it as a sentence and think the bible is a story, its still something every child and every human should be able and view as important to follow.

-Mrs. C

'No Big Deal, Just Do Better Next Time'

As a parent or anyone that deals with kids, it's easy to see children freak out and wonder, 'What on earth are you thinking?!' or 'Come on, you have to be smarter than to pull something like that!' I, myself, have been there many times in the past. My kids aren't perfect, just like I'm not perfect. But today, I realized something.

Due to some bad choices earlier in the week, one of my work children needed me to accompany him in the classroom at his school this morning. He had completely destroyed the classroom and flung papers, books, markers, crayons, you name it everywhere. He had a literal 'freak out'. When I walked him to class and watched him walk into the classroom, I expected the kids to be a little afraid of him blowing his fuse again. Or even be a little cruel like some kids can be by saying they didn't want to be friends with him anymore. The kids were a little surprised and chatted about him being back in the class because he was suspended for a few days.

My heart softened as an autistic little boy walked up to my work child and simply stated, 'Hey man, what you did the other day? That wasn't cool. But you're ok. Just don't do that anymore.' The rest of the hour or so that I spent watching the kids in the classroom, the more that I realized the kids weren't afraid of him, they weren't saying mean things, and most of all they were accepting and forgiving him for his 'freak out' earlier that week.

The more I thought about it the more I understood, that as a parent, I don't accept my kids 'freak outs' as much as I should. Haven't we all been there? Lost our temper on the road or just snapped at someone for something that wasn't their fault? How many times have we, as adults, had our own 'freak outs' that we had to accept, that friends and family had to accept and learn from in order to move on? I can think of numerous occassions for myself if I'm being honest.

How amazing would it be if every parent could harness this sort of zen attitude towards children's mistakes and freak outs? Of course kids will always push their limits and of course parents will always come to a point where they will be frustrated in one way or another, but if we could take a step back and just think to ourselves, 'How would I want someone to react to my so called 'freak out' if I just was having a rough day and couldn't contain it?' I'm positive NONE of us would choose to be scolded, spanked, or punished.

Now don't get me wrong, kids still need discipline and clear lines of what they should and should not do, but just like us, they're human and make mistakes. I know I touched on this a little bit in my 'Patience? Ain't No Body Got Time For That' post but this is a little more focused on accepting that our children are mini humans. Not only are they human just like us who make mistakes, but they're very young and have so so much to learn and grow from.

One thing that I'm learning as a parent more and more every day is that I need to take a breath before I just react. I need to understand that when Julia has a melt down because she can't get something that she wants, or decides to show a little attitude when she's told she can't have another piece of candy, that she's only reacting the way any person would react if they really wanted something and someone just told them no when that person had their hopes up. Now, obviously having that type of an attitude isn't okay, but as a parent my husband and I need to nurture and help her understand why her reaction is rude and saddening to us as her parents.

I urge all of you parents, guardians, mentors, or anyone that works with kids to take a step back when the child in your care is having a full blown melt down, 'freak out', or tantrum. Understand that even though it makes no sense to you why it's such a big deal, in their mind's it makes perfect sense. It's such a struggle trying to find the perfect balance between being firm with your children and being soft with them. I know that I'm going to do my best to try and understand that even though not being able to play with that specific toy right now might not make much sense to me, that to my kids it's an earth shattering event. A child's work is play and with that we need to remember that we are so much farther in life than our kids are.

Eventually, I want to get to the mind set of that sweet little boy who came up to my work child. It's no big, just do your best to get it right next time. Children learn through trail and error just like most of the rest of us. They need to understand and know that we accept them and love them entirely, not just on their good days. I think that's one of my biggest fears. That one day my kids will stop coming to me because they fear my reaction. And I never want them to feel that way.

Every child makes mistakes just like every adult makes mistakes. Our kids need to know that as long as they strive to be better on their next attempt, their 'freak out' is normal and accepted as a fact. Not to be encouraged, but to be taken and used as a tool to mold our children into the adults that we ultimately wish them to be. A good person.

-Mrs. C

Date Night - What's That??

Last night was one of the best nights that I've had in the past couple of months. It was the first time since the beginning of July that my husband and I got to go out on the town, just the two of us. We didn't do anything spectacular. We didn't go on some super fancy date night, we didn't do anything crazy or out of the ordinary, but it was the most fun I've had since our last night out together.

It all started when I decided to do my hair all pretty because I had just dyed it and friends and family members were asking for pictures. Of course I had to do my hair all nice to show off the new color! (I went to brunette by the way :D) As I was doing my hair, I thought how awesome it would be if we could go out for a date, but we needed to save for the baby, xmas, rent, and other things that we're wanting to get. After talking to my husband we decided that if we constantly go off of 'when timing is right' we would never get to go out.

After calling our babysitter, AKA Grandma, we dropped off the other two at their mom's house and then dropped Julia off at G-ma's house for the night. Not only were we amped to be going out with each other without any kids, we were feeling oddly like teenagers again. We could do anything, go anywhere, have fun without worrying and stressing about if the kids are behaving or getting everything they need. Fortunately, we had all 3 kids covered for the time being.

We decided to head to WestGate since it has many restaurants and lots of walking space to eat and just spend some good quality time together. Joey and I walked around trying to decide if we wanted Mexican, American, Fine Dining, or Italian. After casually walking around we chose to eat at Margaritaville. A place that I had never been in and it was a very good experience. We talked and laughed about everything and nothing. Surprisingly, we didn't spend the whole dinner talking about the kids! A very big feat for us seeing as how we're constantly trying to figure out better ways to run our  house and ideas to help the kids grow and learn.

My lucky hubby got to have a couple of drinks while I scarfed down some yummy fries drenched in ranch. It was an amazing experience and I was high on life and loving every minute of precious alone time with my other half. After paying our bill, we took a short walk a few stores down to a brand new candy store. Yes, you heard right! My 32 year old husband and my 25 year old self went into the candy store, and we definitely went a little crazy getting candy! After an hour or so walking and laughing in the candy store we were so high off of our time together and feeling so amazing that we literally felt like we were kids again.

Our night didn't end there, but that is where this description ends. ;) But the point of this post is that it is absolutely vital to any relationship, especially a marriage, to get out just the two of you. Even if it's just a walk around the neighborhood, or going to the store together. Make sure that you set aside time every day to spend with your spouse, even if it's just 5 minutes that you sit in an embrace. Taking that time out to spend solely on your relationship can change your mood, your attitude, even your demeanor.

I cannot express how much better and less stressed out I feel after spending a night alone with my husband. Even sitting here writing this I'm starting to tear up because my heart is so fulfilled and I desperately needed some love and attention from my husband.

Trust me, even if it feels like there is never any time or money, take the time to spend with your spouse. Both of you need it to keep your marriage going strong.

-Mrs. C

When Siblings Fight, Mistakes Are Made

If you're a mom of two or more I'm positive you've been in this situation before. You're kids, for whatever reason they've deemed worthy, are fighting and bickering with each other. And, as always, it happens at the most inconvenient times during the day. Let's just face it, kids whether they are related or not will fight with each other to some degree at least a handful of times every day. Once we accept to not freak out about their arguments and blatant cruelty to each other, it gets a bit easier to deal with. And I use the phrase 'a bit' very loosely because I have yet to find that easier part that I'm sure is somewhere down the road of life.

Before I got together with Joey I only had my own daughter to deal with who played by herself or with me or with my mom all of the time. If she ever did play with kids, it was her cousins that are all at least 3-4 years older than her. It has been quite a challenge for myself, my kids, and my husband to deal with Julia's transition from being an only child to being the youngest of 3 until March/April of 2014 when Oliver decides to come out.

Lately, Julia has been hitting her brother and sister a lot. Mainly she's been 'beating up' her sister Leila. Currently, I'm at a loss with what to do and how to fix her from using her hands. The zinger is that (as far as we know, and we've observed many times to be sure) Leila doesn't do anything to Julia. An example, is that last night Leila was laying on our love seat down stairs watching a movie on the tv with the other kids. Julia was sitting on the big couch, closest to Leila, and decided it would be a good idea to stretch her feet across the floor and be laying on both couches. All the while, her feet were literally right in Leila's face. Leila asked Julia many times to 'please' remove her feet but Julia just wasn't budging and flat out ignoring her requests. Finally, Leila started to lightly 'slap' Julia's feet to get her to move them. (We corrected Leila later about how she should handle those things in the future. Such as getting me or Joey to help, or simply moving to a different seat) Julia began to freak out and cry, she ran upstairs and began to tattle on Leila. Oh how LUCKY am I that my husband saw this whole thing and was able to help guide Julia in telling me the truth.

Now that situation has Leila putting her hands on Julia, but if it isn't obvious to you who the instigator is, it's Jules. *Sigh* Now don't get me wrong, there have been times when Leila doesn't make the right choice and needed to be redirected and needed help in how to handle situations with a little sister who just wants to be exactly like her. None of our kids are innocent in the aspect of picking on, being mean, hitting, or excluding another sibling. And compared to when they first met and started to get to know each other, they have improved.

Our other child, Jett, seems to either be Julia's BFF or he wants nothing to do with her. The normal with Jett and Julia is that either Jett will automatically go straight for anything in Julia's hands and try to take it/insist that he needs to play with it OR he'll watch and wait for her to do something that he thinks is wrong to come and tattle tale to Joey or myself. And most times, before telling either one of us he'll try telling Julia a million and one times that she needs to stop, which, of course, she won't listen to him as opposed to listening to mommy and daddy.

Yesterday, thankfully, I got to have a day with all 3 of the kiddos instead of just Julia. We had a nice afternoon of icees with popcorn at Target and grocery shopping before heading home for me to put everything away, get our craft stuff put into our bookshelf/cabinet, make dinner, and wrangle the kids all at the same time. They behaved as well as they normally do out at the store, obviously getting distracted and forgetting that they can't just pick up and drag things or climb onto the displays of chairs and cribs. But, oh man, once we got home, it was like something went off in their minds to start bickering and fighting over EVERYTHING. And I mean everything.

I finally had enough when it was bed time and they only had one task left to do before our good nights and prayers with them in their own beds. Brushing their teeth. Now you'd think that having a double sink in the kids bathroom would be more than enough sink space for a 7,6, and 3 year old. Well, if you thought so like I did, then you were mistaken. As they're standing and brushing their teeth, all of the sudden Jett starts crying and having a panic attack. (I literally had only walked a few feet towards our own bedroom so I could take one of my many prego potty breaks.) I walk in and the only thing I can gather from the girls brushing and doing exactly like they're told is that Jett hurt himself somehow from brushing his teeth.

Well my dear mommy friends, this was not the case. He had began this fit over the fact that Julia was not 'hurrying' to his standards in spitting out her toothpaste so he could spit out his. And instead of using the sink that Leila was using, who coincidentally was standing halfway away from the sink brushing her teeth so there was plenty of room, he decided to fight with Julia and make a scene. Now we had just changed their toothpaste from the young toddler fruity tooth past to colgate with a light mint flavor, and because of this, which I had warned all of them about the new taste, he was complaining that his mouth was burning and it was Julia's fault because she was just refusing to move. Being the mom that I am I saw a very simple fix, scoot Julia over a few inches just for a moment so Jett could spit it out and move on. Well, that just caused Julia to scream and cry. And I don't just mean crying, I mean a spanken worthy scream and cry.

So lil miss Jules got just that, 3 whacks on the bottom. (In case I haven't mentioned before, I am a very strong beleiver in spankens. I was spanked and whooped with a belt as a kid, so was my husband, and both of us turned out just fine. Although, I only use my open hand, I could never use an inatimate object to inflict pain.) The second my hand touched her bottom she let out this blood curdling scream as if I had just shot her. This is something my husband and I do not allow. Yes the kids are allowed to cry, obviously spankens aren't pleasant, but to scream a high pitched scream like that, we view as outright disobedience and disrespect. When kids do that, or at least ours, it's like they're trying to tell us off, and let me tell you that that message was written all over Julia's face last night. I wiped her mouth free from toothpaste, rinsed her toothbrush, and took her out of the bathroom to talk to her. She was beside herself and was just crying until I was able to get her to understand she needed to calm herself down. At least a little anyway.

Jett, however, I turned to and made him put all of his things away too and told him that he had made a big deal out of nothing and could have used the other sink. You could say that this wore on all 3 of us about the same. Thankfully, my knight in shining armor came to take over. Unfortunately, situations like this can bring on my pregnancy mood swings. So I removed myself, continued to put away laundry in my closet and did my best not to burst into tears. My hubby got all of the kids in bed, calmed down, prayers said, and tucked in. Bless him, I would be lost without him!

After some much needed hugs from Joey I calmed down and went to talk to both Jett and Julia a bit more level headed and clear minded. Both of the kids were very forgiving and apologetic for their own fault in the situation as well. I reminded each of them that I loved them very much and I never intended to get upset with either of them. After some hugs, kisses, and smiles with laughs everyone was over the situation and feeling 100 times better.

As parents, we need to remember that whenever we make a mistake no matter how small, we need to own up to it and apologize. If we don't, our kids will never learn to admit to their faults and take responsibility for their mistakes.

Kids will fight, and kids will do everything they can to test the ropes and push your buttons the best way they can. In the end, as a parent, we need to do our absolute best to remain as calm as we can. If the kids are just having a rotten day, try resetting them by finding something that calms them all down and helps them to get along. In our family, we make our kids hold hands when they're just having trouble getting along and playing nicely together.

In the end, we need to be fair, consistent, and able to admit if we lose our heads to our kids and apologize. Children are incredibly resilient, they will forgive easily, and love you even harder than they did before. Don't be afraid to look human to your kids. But most of all, don't be afraid to be the role model that you want them to be.

-Mrs. C