Due to some bad choices earlier in the week, one of my work children needed me to accompany him in the classroom at his school this morning. He had completely destroyed the classroom and flung papers, books, markers, crayons, you name it everywhere. He had a literal 'freak out'. When I walked him to class and watched him walk into the classroom, I expected the kids to be a little afraid of him blowing his fuse again. Or even be a little cruel like some kids can be by saying they didn't want to be friends with him anymore. The kids were a little surprised and chatted about him being back in the class because he was suspended for a few days.
My heart softened as an autistic little boy walked up to my work child and simply stated, 'Hey man, what you did the other day? That wasn't cool. But you're ok. Just don't do that anymore.' The rest of the hour or so that I spent watching the kids in the classroom, the more that I realized the kids weren't afraid of him, they weren't saying mean things, and most of all they were accepting and forgiving him for his 'freak out' earlier that week.
The more I thought about it the more I understood, that as a parent, I don't accept my kids 'freak outs' as much as I should. Haven't we all been there? Lost our temper on the road or just snapped at someone for something that wasn't their fault? How many times have we, as adults, had our own 'freak outs' that we had to accept, that friends and family had to accept and learn from in order to move on? I can think of numerous occassions for myself if I'm being honest.
How amazing would it be if every parent could harness this sort of zen attitude towards children's mistakes and freak outs? Of course kids will always push their limits and of course parents will always come to a point where they will be frustrated in one way or another, but if we could take a step back and just think to ourselves, 'How would I want someone to react to my so called 'freak out' if I just was having a rough day and couldn't contain it?' I'm positive NONE of us would choose to be scolded, spanked, or punished.
Now don't get me wrong, kids still need discipline and clear lines of what they should and should not do, but just like us, they're human and make mistakes. I know I touched on this a little bit in my 'Patience? Ain't No Body Got Time For That' post but this is a little more focused on accepting that our children are mini humans. Not only are they human just like us who make mistakes, but they're very young and have so so much to learn and grow from.
One thing that I'm learning as a parent more and more every day is that I need to take a breath before I just react. I need to understand that when Julia has a melt down because she can't get something that she wants, or decides to show a little attitude when she's told she can't have another piece of candy, that she's only reacting the way any person would react if they really wanted something and someone just told them no when that person had their hopes up. Now, obviously having that type of an attitude isn't okay, but as a parent my husband and I need to nurture and help her understand why her reaction is rude and saddening to us as her parents.
I urge all of you parents, guardians, mentors, or anyone that works with kids to take a step back when the child in your care is having a full blown melt down, 'freak out', or tantrum. Understand that even though it makes no sense to you why it's such a big deal, in their mind's it makes perfect sense. It's such a struggle trying to find the perfect balance between being firm with your children and being soft with them. I know that I'm going to do my best to try and understand that even though not being able to play with that specific toy right now might not make much sense to me, that to my kids it's an earth shattering event. A child's work is play and with that we need to remember that we are so much farther in life than our kids are.
Eventually, I want to get to the mind set of that sweet little boy who came up to my work child. It's no big, just do your best to get it right next time. Children learn through trail and error just like most of the rest of us. They need to understand and know that we accept them and love them entirely, not just on their good days. I think that's one of my biggest fears. That one day my kids will stop coming to me because they fear my reaction. And I never want them to feel that way.
Every child makes mistakes just like every adult makes mistakes. Our kids need to know that as long as they strive to be better on their next attempt, their 'freak out' is normal and accepted as a fact. Not to be encouraged, but to be taken and used as a tool to mold our children into the adults that we ultimately wish them to be. A good person.
-Mrs. C
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