Mom, Wife, Co-Worker, Daughter, Sister - But What About ME?

This past week I had a mandatory training seminar for work. Without getting too much into the details, one subject that came up is that as caregivers we rarely think about setting aside specific time for our own self care. And if we do, in turn, we feel guilty about enjoying some alone time without our kiddos, both work kids and our own personal kids. This got me thinking pretty hard over the past couple of days. How true is it that we view the day, more or less, as a schedule and a list of things that need to get done for everyone else in the household but ourselves?

We make sure everyone gets fed and off to be entertained before we even think about putting a few bites in our mouths to keep us going, we make sure everyone else is dressed and done up nice before we even take 5 minutes to double check that our clothes indeed match enough to be seen in public, we make sure our children and husband's or significant others have everything that they need or could want before we even stop to think about what we ourselves need. We take kids to sports practice, dance classes, play dates, park time, family time, church, birthday parties, and whatever other activity that our kids might get invited to.

By the time dinner is done, baths have been taken, bed time stories have been read, cuddles and tickles have been distributed, night time prayers have been said, and the littles have finally fallen asleep, most of the time we don't think, 'Yay! Finally time that I get to do whatever I've been wanting to do!' If you do, then you're one step ahead of me and I applaud you! As for myself, all I can think about is that it's time for my shower, my goodnight kisses from my hubby, and crawling into bed before it gets so late that I'll be useless to do it all over again the next day.

Something we have to remember is that our own self care, or in other words taking some time to be selfish and spend a little bit of time and effort on ourselves, is absolutely vital to our smooth sailing in the house hold. You have to find a balance between making sure that everyone else is taken care of, and making sure that you're taken care of as well. Because if you don't take the time to refresh or revive yourself, other than just sleeping at night, you're going to get very burnt out. I can speak from experience that if you don't take some time in the week to read a book, take a hot bath, paint your toes (or get them done, without children in tow), do a hobby that you love, or just veg out and watch your favorite show or movie while divulging in your favorite not-so-healthy-for-you snack, you'll get so burnt and worn that it'll start wearing on your patience and your ability to be at the top of your game with your kiddos.

We already talked about my struggles with patience, so we all know just how important it is for mine not to wear out! But every time I decided to take a bath instead of vacuum, crochet instead of playing on the floor with my kids, or even just lay in my bed for 5 extra minutes before getting the kids lunch, I always, always feel guilty about it. For some reason we have it stuck on replay in our heads that if we don't drop everything for our kids or our husband we're being a bad parent or a bad spouse. The reality is that this mentality actually speaks volumes in the opposite direction. Because you feel that deep connection/obligation to cater to your kids and spouse that just means how much of a good parent or spouse you are.

So where's the problem? If having that guilty feeling means that you're on the good side of things why even talk about changing that? Well, I'll tell you. How easy is it for you to finish this sentence about yourself: "One thing that makes me AMAZING is _____"? For me it was quite difficult. Isn't that bragging? Boasting? On the contrary my dear friends. It's so easy for us to tear ourselves down, find an almost infinite list of our flaws and failures, beat ourselves up over spending just a little time on ourselves and our own self preservation. We need to understand and change that mentality. We need to think to ourselves, 'I am amazing!' for whatever your personal reasons are.

We need to stop feeling guilty about those 20 minutes we take here and there or even an hour or 2 that we take to spend on ourselves. And I mean on ourselves. Not on the house, not on projects, not on work, not on grocery shopping, not on checking anything off of any check list anywhere. Taking that time to yourself to revive you and refresh you is very important. Not only does that time relax you, but your kids and spouse will be able to notice it as well. Whether you meditate, work out, craft, write, sketch, or just catch up on your shows on netflix, it is vitally important that you stop feeling guilty that you're taking time for yourself.

If the kids wait an extra 10 minutes for their baths, they will survive. If your husband has to wait an extra 20 minutes for dinner to be ready, he will survive. You don't starve your children or neglect your husband for yourself. You're simply pushing back the time that things are 'due' to spend some very important time for someone who does a whole lot for the family. Y-O-U.

I'd like to leave you with a challenge. I challenge you to complete that sentence I mentioned earlier. "One thing that makes me AMAZING is ____". Complete that sentence, believe that sentence, make it a work of art and put it up on your wall. Do something with it that makes you stress a little less about spending 5 minutes on yourself without your family around. Once you do, you will be absolutely amazed and impressed at how much smoother things seem to run. It also increases patience from what I've gone through personally. There is no reason to feel guilty about taking some time for self care. Enjoy it, indulge in it, let all of your worries and stresses slip away as if you're on a beautiful beach miles and miles from all of your problems.

-Mrs. C