Before I got together with Joey I only had my own daughter to deal with who played by herself or with me or with my mom all of the time. If she ever did play with kids, it was her cousins that are all at least 3-4 years older than her. It has been quite a challenge for myself, my kids, and my husband to deal with Julia's transition from being an only child to being the youngest of 3 until March/April of 2014 when Oliver decides to come out.
Lately, Julia has been hitting her brother and sister a lot. Mainly she's been 'beating up' her sister Leila. Currently, I'm at a loss with what to do and how to fix her from using her hands. The zinger is that (as far as we know, and we've observed many times to be sure) Leila doesn't do anything to Julia. An example, is that last night Leila was laying on our love seat down stairs watching a movie on the tv with the other kids. Julia was sitting on the big couch, closest to Leila, and decided it would be a good idea to stretch her feet across the floor and be laying on both couches. All the while, her feet were literally right in Leila's face. Leila asked Julia many times to 'please' remove her feet but Julia just wasn't budging and flat out ignoring her requests. Finally, Leila started to lightly 'slap' Julia's feet to get her to move them. (We corrected Leila later about how she should handle those things in the future. Such as getting me or Joey to help, or simply moving to a different seat) Julia began to freak out and cry, she ran upstairs and began to tattle on Leila. Oh how LUCKY am I that my husband saw this whole thing and was able to help guide Julia in telling me the truth.
Now that situation has Leila putting her hands on Julia, but if it isn't obvious to you who the instigator is, it's Jules. *Sigh* Now don't get me wrong, there have been times when Leila doesn't make the right choice and needed to be redirected and needed help in how to handle situations with a little sister who just wants to be exactly like her. None of our kids are innocent in the aspect of picking on, being mean, hitting, or excluding another sibling. And compared to when they first met and started to get to know each other, they have improved.
Our other child, Jett, seems to either be Julia's BFF or he wants nothing to do with her. The normal with Jett and Julia is that either Jett will automatically go straight for anything in Julia's hands and try to take it/insist that he needs to play with it OR he'll watch and wait for her to do something that he thinks is wrong to come and tattle tale to Joey or myself. And most times, before telling either one of us he'll try telling Julia a million and one times that she needs to stop, which, of course, she won't listen to him as opposed to listening to mommy and daddy.
Yesterday, thankfully, I got to have a day with all 3 of the kiddos instead of just Julia. We had a nice afternoon of icees with popcorn at Target and grocery shopping before heading home for me to put everything away, get our craft stuff put into our bookshelf/cabinet, make dinner, and wrangle the kids all at the same time. They behaved as well as they normally do out at the store, obviously getting distracted and forgetting that they can't just pick up and drag things or climb onto the displays of chairs and cribs. But, oh man, once we got home, it was like something went off in their minds to start bickering and fighting over EVERYTHING. And I mean everything.
I finally had enough when it was bed time and they only had one task left to do before our good nights and prayers with them in their own beds. Brushing their teeth. Now you'd think that having a double sink in the kids bathroom would be more than enough sink space for a 7,6, and 3 year old. Well, if you thought so like I did, then you were mistaken. As they're standing and brushing their teeth, all of the sudden Jett starts crying and having a panic attack. (I literally had only walked a few feet towards our own bedroom so I could take one of my many prego potty breaks.) I walk in and the only thing I can gather from the girls brushing and doing exactly like they're told is that Jett hurt himself somehow from brushing his teeth.
Well my dear mommy friends, this was not the case. He had began this fit over the fact that Julia was not 'hurrying' to his standards in spitting out her toothpaste so he could spit out his. And instead of using the sink that Leila was using, who coincidentally was standing halfway away from the sink brushing her teeth so there was plenty of room, he decided to fight with Julia and make a scene. Now we had just changed their toothpaste from the young toddler fruity tooth past to colgate with a light mint flavor, and because of this, which I had warned all of them about the new taste, he was complaining that his mouth was burning and it was Julia's fault because she was just refusing to move. Being the mom that I am I saw a very simple fix, scoot Julia over a few inches just for a moment so Jett could spit it out and move on. Well, that just caused Julia to scream and cry. And I don't just mean crying, I mean a spanken worthy scream and cry.
So lil miss Jules got just that, 3 whacks on the bottom. (In case I haven't mentioned before, I am a very strong beleiver in spankens. I was spanked and whooped with a belt as a kid, so was my husband, and both of us turned out just fine. Although, I only use my open hand, I could never use an inatimate object to inflict pain.) The second my hand touched her bottom she let out this blood curdling scream as if I had just shot her. This is something my husband and I do not allow. Yes the kids are allowed to cry, obviously spankens aren't pleasant, but to scream a high pitched scream like that, we view as outright disobedience and disrespect. When kids do that, or at least ours, it's like they're trying to tell us off, and let me tell you that that message was written all over Julia's face last night. I wiped her mouth free from toothpaste, rinsed her toothbrush, and took her out of the bathroom to talk to her. She was beside herself and was just crying until I was able to get her to understand she needed to calm herself down. At least a little anyway.
Jett, however, I turned to and made him put all of his things away too and told him that he had made a big deal out of nothing and could have used the other sink. You could say that this wore on all 3 of us about the same. Thankfully, my knight in shining armor came to take over. Unfortunately, situations like this can bring on my pregnancy mood swings. So I removed myself, continued to put away laundry in my closet and did my best not to burst into tears. My hubby got all of the kids in bed, calmed down, prayers said, and tucked in. Bless him, I would be lost without him!
After some much needed hugs from Joey I calmed down and went to talk to both Jett and Julia a bit more level headed and clear minded. Both of the kids were very forgiving and apologetic for their own fault in the situation as well. I reminded each of them that I loved them very much and I never intended to get upset with either of them. After some hugs, kisses, and smiles with laughs everyone was over the situation and feeling 100 times better.
As parents, we need to remember that whenever we make a mistake no matter how small, we need to own up to it and apologize. If we don't, our kids will never learn to admit to their faults and take responsibility for their mistakes.
Kids will fight, and kids will do everything they can to test the ropes and push your buttons the best way they can. In the end, as a parent, we need to do our absolute best to remain as calm as we can. If the kids are just having a rotten day, try resetting them by finding something that calms them all down and helps them to get along. In our family, we make our kids hold hands when they're just having trouble getting along and playing nicely together.
In the end, we need to be fair, consistent, and able to admit if we lose our heads to our kids and apologize. Children are incredibly resilient, they will forgive easily, and love you even harder than they did before. Don't be afraid to look human to your kids. But most of all, don't be afraid to be the role model that you want them to be.
-Mrs. C
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