The Meaning of Life

Isn't it funny how you can walk through life so sure of everything that's happening in your life is the best it can be, and in that you feel secure because you know how good you have it, but then something changes. Something makes you catch your breath and reopen your eyes to the beauty of the world that you were slowly becoming numb to. That's how it was for me last year before I met my husband. Some might think I'm obsessive, some might think I'm eccentric, a select misguided few might even say pathetic. But here's the game changer. If you were once walking around like the best thing that ever happened and then were awakened to an emotion and view so drastically different but so radiantly beautiful, why WOULDN'T you be obsessive or over the top about it?

So much of our lives we desperately seek things to fulfill ourselves. We look to friends, family, spouses, significant others, coworkers, bosses, anyone in our lives that might just give us the answer to the life long question: What's the meaning of life? Now I'm not one with all the answers, but I can tell you what my life's meaning was compared to what it is now. 

Before I met my husband and had my life change, for the better, I was only about money and getting everything I knew I deserved. Trying to get the best job and education I could in a field that not only paid well, but one that I wouldn't feel like I was stuck my whole life. I started working and going to school always with the mind set that once I get a nice, shiny, new car I'll be good. Once I get a nicer apartment I'll be fine. Better make that a house. And while we're at it I might as well throw in a killer wardrobe and seriously extensive makeup collection. Oh, better throw in getting my hair and nails done religiously just to be sure. The list went on forever of what I needed to be happy, what I thought life was about. Acquiring things. But they're just that. THINGS. 

Now here's what it's changed to since meeting my husband and contuing every day to grow closer to Christ. We had a house and moved into a nicer one. That we had to leave because someone didn't believe our financial status, so now we're back at my parents like teens. But our nights are still fun loving and passionate with each other. It may be like high school, but we get to experience the butterflies and nervousness like high schoolers. Which have never truly gone away for me since I met the love of my life. It's about spending as much time as we can watching our kids grow and become so full of life with laughter and smiles that make us forget every stress that's been thrown our way. It's comforting our children after disappointments and kissing their owies away. It's Disney movies on repeat with popcorn and cuddles instead of getting "turned up" every weekend. It's going without date night and new necessities so the kids can have the best of everything we never had. Life is about looking into your spouses eyes and having no doubt or regret about choosing to marry them. It's about being strong when you see that your spouse is struggling with baby blues from their new 'not so hot anymore' body (my husband is a pro at making me feel beautiful and sexy). Life is about anything BUT money or things that money can buy. 

So many people just strive for the face of a good life instead of truly taking advantage of the moments that they're letting slip through their fingers. Even as we speak. I may be broke, wearing old stained and torn clothes, making dinner at home instead of going out, going to the park instead of the zoo, but life is at its fullest right now. Our kids love us and we love them. We know what life is about because our kids have taught us that life is about spending time with the ones you love, not trying to get more stuff. Life isn't a competition yet so many people try so hard to one up whoever they believe their enemy is.

I AM HAPPY. I will always be happy as long as I never let go of what's truly important. My family and friends. Nothing else can compare to the moments they make me laugh or the moments they catch my tears. I am forever grateful and forever in love with what my amazing God has chosen to give to me. 

So open your eyes and see what's important. Put down the credit cards and cash at the mall or online and go make some memories. Forget about everyone and just BE HAPPY. If anyone tries to rain on your parade just tell them to go away and continue to live with happiness in your heart knowing that your kids, spouse, family, and friends will remember you how they should. THERE. Don't be absent from life. Take part and enjoy the ride. Remember, God loves you and will always love you. No matter how far you stray, no matter the evil you've been harboring in your heart, God will ALWAYS love you. And you know what? So will I. Even if you don't deserve it. 

-Mrs. C

Breast Milk Woes

Having a new born comes with all kinds of stress attached to the countless joys. The sleepless nights, many breast feeding sessions, cries, sometimes screams, droopy eyed diaper changes, and the illusion of sleep that taunts you.

With my daughter Julia I was shy about breastfeeding anywhere but my own house and ended up only being able to breast feed for a month, IF that long. This time round I was, and am, completely determined to breast feed as long as I'm physically able and my son is willing to.

I read books, searched articles, found lactation tips and recipes, found out different ways to latch, looked up different feeding positions, anything that had to do with breast feeding I looked it up and read about it. I was feeling very confident until recently.

Once my milk actually came in it was very apparent that my flow was too fast for baby Oliver. I tried everything to try and slow it down/help him be able to eat without choking or gagging and spitting up what he just ate. I leaned back to nurse, I laid down to nurse, I tried pumping a little before nursing, and time and time again it was the same. Especially at night when it was longer between his feedings.

I've come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to solely pump until he's able to handle a faster milk flow. It truly breaks my heart that I have to put a hold on exclusively nursing until hes a week or two older and hopefully, crossing my fingers and toes, he'll be big enough to handle a faster flow. At the very least its still breast milk, but I truly love having that mother and baby bond with my son that I missed out on with my daughter.

I just want to encourage all breast feeding moms out there not to give up. I've heard the first few months are the hardest and I'm barely finishing my first month at it. I can say with confidence that nursing is hard and complicated when you try to go out and about because you have to stop and sit to feed baby instead of plowing through and popping a bottle in their mouth. (Which I personally view as a form of neglect - propping a baby bottle up and walking away to go do whatever you please until the baby is done eating. You can't regulate how much they eat or burp them accordingly to how much they consume and how quickly they eat it. For a few seconds if you need to grab something or use the rest room, sure, but not the entire bottle feeding.)

I'm hoping that very soon I can go back to exclusively nursing. At least before I HAVE to go back to work to help pay our bills seeing as how all of our money is going to just ONE bill right now. Those of you who know me personally should know which one that is. If I'm very lucky, then God will provide a way for me to continue to stay home with our kids and I can take care of them instead of having someone else watch them for me.

There is no one better to take care of, teach, or play with my children than me and my husband. And I will never believe that someone else should be watching my children more often than I do.

-Mrs. C

I'm Sorry I'm Not Sorry

I may not be a perfect parent, but I know I'm the best that I can be to the children I have. Children, just like people, are different in many ways. Some kids are whirlwinds that can just keep going no matter how they fall, trip, are spoken to, or are treated. Its almost like those kids are so resilient that nothing can really touch them, they fall down so hard they just bounce back up ready to keep running. Other kids are the complete opposite. Everything will set them off, make them cry, scare them, or intimidate them. Recently I got into a big argument with a family member over how I was talking to their kids and my kids all together. Without going far into detail the kids were all being unfair to one child which was wrong. In a normal voice, no yelling or raising it, I sternly let the kids know they needed to stop being so unkind and include everyone where not only one child was left out.

The kids all just said "Okay" and bounced along just fine like nothing had happened. But this family member decided that I had no right to speak to their kids this way or even MY kids. Now I'm sorry, but no matter who you are, you don't tell me how I can speak to my children. Especially when I was only talking and wasnt even raising my voice in any way shape or form.

This family member had the audacity to tell me that their kids are terrified of me and hate how I speak to them. Really? I'm pretty sure that NO child likes being scolded or told that the can't do something they want to do or need to stop doing something that they want to do. Now this family members kids are all incredibly sensitive and ridiculously obedient. To the point where you can just raise an eyebrow and they'll do what you ask. Not every child is like this. Especially not my kids.

Some kids are very easily guided while others will kick and scream and fight you just for the sake of doing it even when they have no problem with where you're trying to guide them. My biggest problem with this whole situation is the fact that I was made to feel like an inadequate parent simply because I parent different than this family member does. They literally took me outside and scolded me like I was their own child doing wrong, which I'm not.

I love my family but this member of the family has a bad problem with getting on the high horse and getting so accustomed to being up there they think that no one else is ever right but them. And after trying to talk to them a second time to get them to see things from my perspective they couldn't have cared less. The only thing important was their being right and my bowing out and acknowledging that i was wrong and would never do it again.

This is my apology. I'm sorry I dont have kids that can be spoken to in a whisper and still obey. I'm sorry I believe in teaching my children to respect me and understand that I am the parent and they have no authority over me. I'm sorry for instilling a sense of responsibility in my children by making sure they aren't selfish. I'm sorry that I believe children shouldn't be allowed to manipulate an adult by claiming they're "scared" simply because they didn't want to do what that adult asked them to do. But most of all I'm sorry that your children, unlike mine, are going to be ripped apart in the real world when the first person they have to deal with decides to tear into them because that's what the world teaches. I refuse to shelter my children to the point that they have no clue about the unnecessary cruelty in the world and will run and hide at the first sign of difficulty. I'm sorry that you refuse to open your eyes to any opinion other than your own. And lastly, I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

I'm not a perfect parent. But I am a damn good one that learns just like every other parent in the world. Through trial and error. It took a lot for me to finally see that I wasn't the one to blame. That I wasn't the one with the problem. But with my husband and other family members and friends reminding me of how far I've come and the amazing things I'm doing for my kids right now I can hold my head up high and say with confidence that I am a GREAT mom.

Its just too bad that you refuse to see it.

-Mrs. C