Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Loving Your Spouse Even When It's Difficult

Sorry I've been MIA recently, juggling a newborn and 3 kids while my husband is out of town definitely takes it's toll. Even if two kids were just here for the weekend.

My husband working out of state has been one of the most emotionally stressful times I've gone through. Granted I was a Marine wife once before while he was still active duty but I didn't truly love him like I love my husband now. It's so crazy to look back and compare how I thought I loved my ex to how much I actually love my husband.

Joey has been gone for a week and a half since bringing the kids and myself back after another previous two weeks out of town. And it's killing me. So much is happening while he's gone that every small moment I wish I could share with him. In everything I do or see throughout the day I can't wait to talk to him about it. He truly is the love of my life and he does everything he can to show me that he feels the same way I do.

My whole adult life I've had one really bad and abusive relationship after another. Then I met my husband and everything turned around completely. He made me believe in love and life again. He showed me that there was still beauty in the world. Mostly, he showed me what love really means. He showed me how a real man treats a woman and what I'm worth. He sees the beauty in me every day even when I believe I'm not even close to being decent. When I feel like my world is falling apart he pulls it all together and refocuses me towards Christ and where our marriage should be going.

Over the years I know we'll have fights and doubts; hard times and even harder times; but one thing I will know undoubtedly through it all is that he loves me. I know he loves me more than he's ever loved a woman before. How? Not only does he tell me and show me, but all the time he makes a conscious effort to be on my side and love me despite my flaws. This, without any doubt in my mind, is exactly the kind of love God knew I needed. Without my knowing or guessing,  God literally created the perfect man. Perfect for me that is. He evens me out and completes me. As cheesy as that sounds its so true! He has qualities and traits that I lack and vice versa. Our love is eternal and deep. A kind of love I honestly only thought existed in Hollywood productions.

With that being said... HE COMES HOME THIS WEEKEND! Words cannot express how incredibly excited I am about it AND we might even get a date night courtesy of my parents.

Something that I've learned so far over the past 10 months is that you have to work harder than you thought you needed to keep your marriage passionate and thriving. You can't just let yourself fall into a rut or get into a thought process where you falsely start to believe marriage is give and take. Marriage is 100% give from both spouses. If you live to please your spouse and make them happy, then naturally they should want to do the same for you.

Technically, I'm still a newlywed, but I do know that with all the marital help and tips I get from my Christian motivation pages have helped me see how marriage is supposed to work as opposed to how marriage will inevitably fail. I am so glad that my husband and I BOTH take action every day to make sure our marriage doesn't fall in the cracks of every day life. Even if its a simple moment of sincerity where your raw emotions are being shared with each other.

I love my husband. Every thing good and bad about him makes me love him more every day.

-Mrs. C

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Breast Milk Woes

Having a new born comes with all kinds of stress attached to the countless joys. The sleepless nights, many breast feeding sessions, cries, sometimes screams, droopy eyed diaper changes, and the illusion of sleep that taunts you.

With my daughter Julia I was shy about breastfeeding anywhere but my own house and ended up only being able to breast feed for a month, IF that long. This time round I was, and am, completely determined to breast feed as long as I'm physically able and my son is willing to.

I read books, searched articles, found lactation tips and recipes, found out different ways to latch, looked up different feeding positions, anything that had to do with breast feeding I looked it up and read about it. I was feeling very confident until recently.

Once my milk actually came in it was very apparent that my flow was too fast for baby Oliver. I tried everything to try and slow it down/help him be able to eat without choking or gagging and spitting up what he just ate. I leaned back to nurse, I laid down to nurse, I tried pumping a little before nursing, and time and time again it was the same. Especially at night when it was longer between his feedings.

I've come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to solely pump until he's able to handle a faster milk flow. It truly breaks my heart that I have to put a hold on exclusively nursing until hes a week or two older and hopefully, crossing my fingers and toes, he'll be big enough to handle a faster flow. At the very least its still breast milk, but I truly love having that mother and baby bond with my son that I missed out on with my daughter.

I just want to encourage all breast feeding moms out there not to give up. I've heard the first few months are the hardest and I'm barely finishing my first month at it. I can say with confidence that nursing is hard and complicated when you try to go out and about because you have to stop and sit to feed baby instead of plowing through and popping a bottle in their mouth. (Which I personally view as a form of neglect - propping a baby bottle up and walking away to go do whatever you please until the baby is done eating. You can't regulate how much they eat or burp them accordingly to how much they consume and how quickly they eat it. For a few seconds if you need to grab something or use the rest room, sure, but not the entire bottle feeding.)

I'm hoping that very soon I can go back to exclusively nursing. At least before I HAVE to go back to work to help pay our bills seeing as how all of our money is going to just ONE bill right now. Those of you who know me personally should know which one that is. If I'm very lucky, then God will provide a way for me to continue to stay home with our kids and I can take care of them instead of having someone else watch them for me.

There is no one better to take care of, teach, or play with my children than me and my husband. And I will never believe that someone else should be watching my children more often than I do.

-Mrs. C

Friday, April 11, 2014

SIDS? I Don't Buy It.

Now before all of you internet trolls start going off simply by the title I want to just start by saying that a sudden death, especially an infant death of any kind, is tragic. But I will openly say that I dont believe in "SIDS" why? Well lets start by breaking down SIDS.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Those four words (to me) are the biggest oxymoron I've ever come to contact with. How can a 'sudden' death possibly be a syndrome? Why don't adult sudden deaths have the tag of syndrome at the end when it can't be explained? Because it's simply a sudden unexplained death, NOT a syndrome.

Now lets break down the definition of syndrome.
"A group of symptoms that consistently occur together or a condition characterized by a set of associated symptoms"
I want to point out that there are NO symptoms of SIDS whatsoever. No cause has been found, no symptoms leading up to it, no nothing. Simply a precious baby sleeping and not waking up. The definition of syndrome doesn't even come close to SIDS whatsoever. So how can something that has no cause, no symptoms, and no explanation be preventable?

All of the baby products that say "may reduce the risk of SIDS" is just a marketing ploy to get paranoid and ignorant parents to spend their money on their product. And the number one thing they say to avoid? Laying your baby on their stomach. There is such a huge controversy about never letting your baby sleep on their stomach because it can increase the risk of SIDS. Know what it indefinitely increases the risk of? Choking to death. It doesn't matter how much you burp or get spit up out of your baby, they can still spit up in their sleep. And especially the newest babies can't control their neck movement as well so they can't easily turn their head to get the spit up back out.

Now, if you're a mom who doesn't want to take any risks, that's fine! Every mom is entitled to raising and taking care of their children in their own belief systems.  But personally, I don't believe SIDS is a true "condition" - all it is, is a tragic moment for a family when a small baby just cant sustain their bodily norms on their own anymore.

The reason why they say laying a baby on their stomach increases the risk of SIDS is because every infant I've known prefers to sleep on their stomach as opposed to their backs. And even laying them on their backs they turn over (once they're old enough) and insist on sleeping on their stomachs. So, naturally,  there would be a bigger number of SIDS cases where infants were found on their stomachs as opposed to their backs.

I am a good mom. Proud of how far I've come and the kids I've raised thus far. I lay my son on his stomach every time I place him in his bed, and I am very glad I have because in the past three weeks alone he's avoided choking on his own spit up on 4 different occassions.

Also, they emphasize 'dont use pillows in the crib' 'dont use extra blankets' 'dont put stuffed animals in the crib' 'dont pull the blanket up to the baby's neck' 'dont swaddle them very tight' etc. All of those things they claim increase risk of SIDS but in actuality they don't. Any parent who does any of those things and something happens to their child is neglect to not take the proper precautions and to check on your baby as often as you can. To me, SIDS is just a cop out. Until actual medical proof and scientific data prove a cause and cure for it, I don't buy into it at all.

Yes, I trust my children's pediatrician. To a certain extent. These days doctors are so very quick to shove medicine and pills towards you instead of actually trying to find a natural or healthier way to help a problem. Obviously if my children have an illness where they need antibiotics I'm going to make sure they get their medication. But I'm not going to listen to a bunch of high riding, self righteous, doctor's that aren't pediatricians I trust to tell me what I should and shouldn't do for my children to have the best lives that I can give.

Myself and all my brothers were laid on their stomachs, all of my nieces and nephews were laid on their stomachs, my daughter was laid on her stomach, and NOTHING happened. Because letting a baby sleep on their stomach isn't a crime. And to make a mother feel like they have to lay their children a certain way, feed them a certain way, give them certain products, avoid certain products, and so on is the true crime! I already believe our country is getting too far into dictating our personal lives but I will not let the government or any organization tell me how to raise my children.

I believe in how my parents raised me and how the true America was back in the days when kids didnt rule everything parents did. Where we weren't raising a bunch of sissy kids that can't take a single form of rejection or understand why they can't get their way. Our kids are turning into over weight, unhealthy, selfish, and feeling entitled to everything kids. Obviously not every kid is like that because there are still good parents out there that want to instill true values into their kids. But majority of the US is falling into step of just letting everyone else lead them into how they're going raise their kids it sincerely saddens me.

I love my kids. More than my own life itself. But I will raise them my way and no one else's. And I won't let anyone make me feel guilty about that. Only my husband and I know our kids and what they need best. If you disagree and think you can raise my kids better than me? Kick rocks on your way out. :)

-Mrs. C

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Stranger Danger - Everyone Just wants To Argue

So if you don't already know, I've been MIA recently because I finally had my son :) he was born Wednesday March 19th at 7:29am weighing in at 6lbs 8.5oz and measuring 20" long. He was born in a matter of 3 hours and he was (and is) sheer perfection!

As a Christian, for religious purposes we already knew we wanted to circumcise our son from the moment we found out we were having a boy. BUT there were also many medical reasons why we decided that this preventative surgery was the best route to go. My husband worked as a CNA in a nursing home and has seen many issues arise from an uncircumcised man not being able to fully care for himself and needing to depend on an orderly that may not always "have the time" to clean another man.

My husband and I researched many MEDICAL websites and journals online and found that the pros to getting our precious son this 5 minute snip of a surgery was truly for the best later on down the line. And again this was OUR personal conclusion and view point, in no way what so ever am I trying to talk down on parents who choose not to circumcise. Every mother knows what's best for their children.

Like most women these days, I'm obsessed with posting pictures of my kids on FaceBook and InstaGram. After my son's surgery last monday and my husband changed his diaper for the first time he was definitely tired out and had fallen asleep preciously on my chest. I took a picture, posted it to IG and had mistakenly hashtagged "circumcision" on the photo.

I cannot tell you how many hateful, spiteful, vindictive, and just plain cruel comments I got on that photo. One woman said I was "tragically misinformed and should save your future sons from a soon to be outlawed procedure". Another went so far as to 'directly' talk to my son saying "I'm sorry you weren't perfect enough for your mommy baby boy. So sad." And that's only the tip of the ice burg. There were about 40-50 comments that were very close to the same that I just wrote above. Some of my good friends came to help and started to go off on all of them saying that bashing on me was no way to go about getting their 'team uncut' views out to people.

I would never do anything to unnecessarily hurt or injure my son. But my husband, father, brothers, nephews, and other son are all circumcised and my husband, as a man, likes the fact he's circumcised and has the parental right to have his sons the same as him for medical and cleanliness reasons.

It's a very sad day when anyone that has a view different from the world is harassed and bullied the way that the world supposedly is against. I didnt personally know a single woman that went off on me about getting my sons surgery. And you know what their main focus was? 'If he wants to get it done later in life he can' which is all fine and dandy. But getting it done as an adult as opposed to an infant is one of the most painful surgeries because he's grown bigger and there's more complications to the surgery than simply clamping and snipping the foreskin off.

And what did my many friends have to say on the subject? Nothing but good things! I have many girlfriend's who decided not to get their sons circumcised and not a single one bashed me or claimed I was abusing my son for having it done. Just like I wasnt bashing them or claiming their sons will forever be unclean. Its a parental choice. Like breast feeding or formula feeding. Like home schooling or public schooling. Its a parenting choice thats up to the parent NOT a bunch of strangers.

My husband and I didnt decide to get it done because it was the most popular thing to do. We thoughtfully weighed the pros and cons and prayed about it before deciding indefinitely about which route we would go.

The world is falling and becoming such a walking hypocrisy it makes my head spin. They say not to harass those that dont have the same religious views but if the world that is nonreligious in any way views different they have free reign to lay into someone and make them feel inferior? They say bullying is wrong and that we need to all live peacefully together, except in a situation where the world is against someone's religious beliefs and thinks they're wrong? It saddens me and sickens me that we've gotten to this point in this world.

I am one GOOD mother. I may not be perfect and I know I'm always learning and tweaking my parenting styles, but I am not an abuser. I am not neglectful. I am not cruel. Don't agree? I have a full force of friends and family standing behind me stating otherwise. And guess what? Not all of them see things the same way I do. But they sure as hell aren't going to let anyone slander my parenting ability simply because our views are different.

I love my family and friends for always being there for me. But most of all? I LOVE MY CHILDREN. I would die for each of them. Blood or not they're my family and they are a part of my heart that I will protect and cherish until the end of time. And there isn't anything anyone can say to take that from me.

-Mrs. C