Parents Just Aren't Parents Anymore

Parenting is such a wide and diverse topic to talk about, there are so many different ways to parent and still be great at teaching your kids the fundamental building blocks that they need for a great future. However, there are still parents whose techniques just dont work or are just dangerous and lazy.

Today I ventured into the WIC office to get some much needed help with the struggles my husband and I have been facing. Especially since his ex is trying to squeeze money out of him this next week in a mediation when there is literally no money to give without taking away a vital utility in our house.

Personally, I dont care much for public places because these days most people have absolutely no sense for personal space or just plain respect for another human being. Today I was reminded exactly why I dislike being around a bunch of random people. As Julia and I sit waiting to be called back and more and more people come to wait, there were two women who's incidents with their kids sincerely shocked me.

One woman had 3 kids that looked to be the ages of 5, 3, and an infant who looks like she had just learned to crawl. The baby was crawling on the floor and the mom walking beside her, nothing shocking about that, its good to let your little ones get a sense of freedom if there's room and if it isn't a filthy place. But the older two took off across the room and were about to round a corner out of sight from mom. The mom calls for them to come back and these kids look right at her, laugh and keep running. Right back into the cubicles where people are trying to work! Logical action? Pick up your crawling baby, get your two older brats and make sure they know that YOU are the parent and they need to obey you, right? Oh no, this lady LEAVES her no more than 7 month old and goes out of sight from her to get the older kids and doesn't even physically get them she stands for a good 5 minutes calling them to come and they dont listen until and employee makes them.

Now, I know I can be a strict parent sometimes but this, to me, is terrible parenting and even more so, its dangerous! Anyone could have stolen that baby!! And please, lets address this whole 'leaving kids to choose to obey you if they feel like it'.

Im sorry if it comes off harsh but simply telling your child 100 times to stop isn't going to make them stop. You need to physically pick them up, hold their hand, slap their wrist, spank them, hold them in a time out, ANYTHING that gets it through to the child that they dont run you or any other adult. How do you think that child will act as a 10 year old? 14 year old? Or even an adult? They're being raised with absolutely no respect for authority.

The second woman had three kids as well but a bit older. 6, 4, and 1 or 1 1/2. The oldest was a little girl who had no idea what personal space meant. She walked straight up to me and Julia leaned into us and asked us our names, where we lived, why we're there, and on and on. It took the mom about 5 or so minutes to read my 'you need to get your child off of a stranger before the stranger moves her off' look on my face. But that was nothing compared to what happened with her 4 and 1 year old.

The 4 year old was building with foam blocks and the 1 year old was trying to crawl around his big brother because the brother had sat right in front of him and put the baby between his back and the wall. There was no room for the baby to crawl except straight through the foam blocks. This little boy shoved his baby brothers head straight into the table and told him to stop ruining his building. This I only saw from the corner of my eye so I didnt say anything because I wasn't 100% sure of what I saw. The baby was crying and mom was as absorbed in her phone as she could be. The baby tries again to go past his brother (I'm watching this time) and he straight body slams this infant into the floor onto his back!

I tell the mom exactly what happens and what's her reaction?? As calm as a sweet summer breeze she says "Now is that okay?" I swear she didnt talk more than a whisper. "You need to come sit down for 5 minutes because that earned you a time out. We dont hurt people." And of course because mom is acting all sweet as candy the 4 year old is having a fit that he's being told he can't play with his beloved blocks anymore. She asks him twice, he doesn't budge and just whines and yells he doesn't want to sit in time out. She stands up and goes to pick him up and he "hmpff's" and throws himself on the floor and she just stands there! She tries again to ask him, nothing. She tries again to pick him up, same reaction. After three or four time of this the kid is finally threatened that he'd get a spanken at home if he didnt listen and the kid basically ran to time out. Umm...? That should have been the first reaction to slamming your tiny brother into the ground without remorse. Which, by the way she never made him apologize or check to make sure the baby was even ok.

This parenting behavior just blew me out of the water. Now I know everyone has different opinions on how to discipline kids, and that's fine. But you have to find something that WORKS to where your kids will respect, listen, and obey what you as the parent are telling them to do or not to do. Many of you might now that if Julia had done that she would have gotten a spanking then and there without hesitation. She would have had a talking to about what she shouldn't have done and why. I would have repeated the conversation until she thoroughly understood what she did wrong, why it was wrong, and something she could have done instead that might have worked. Also, and most importantly, I would have explained that I only spank and correct her because I love her and I want her to make the best choices that she can and be the sweetest little girl that she can be.

So many parents are just too exhausted or lazy or just dont care to invest the actual time into their children to ensure they become good people and not convicts or criminals. It breaks my heart and lights an angry fire to my core when I see parents who shouldn't have any kids or who are making dangerous or reckless mistakes.

"Honor your mother and father and love your neighbor as yourself." -Matthew 19:19

Something every child should learn and have etched into their mind. Even if you just see it as a sentence and think the bible is a story, its still something every child and every human should be able and view as important to follow.

-Mrs. C

Baby Bump Update

About a week ago I was curled up in bed, crying, and wishing I could move. The back pain was so intense, so excruciating, that every tiny movement felt like an earthquake. Walking was next to impossible and being able to take care of myself was unfathomable. The next day my mom came to take Julia for the day, and she had returned a few hours later with food (I couldn't go downstairs and get myself anything) and a pregnancy back brace hoping it would give me some relief. Almost a full week later, with using my brace a few hours each day, I'm able to walk. I'm able to go downstairs. Im able to not worry about how I'm going to the dr. And for the first time in almost a month and a half, I was able to make dinner for my family without feeling any pain or discomfort from my back or contractions!

Praise God, because I was incredibly worried and slipping into a depression. Being virtually chained to a bed, with no company, and not being able to even do the simplest of tasks made me feel so small and insignificant I could barely stand it. Thanks to a $30 purchase my mom made, and some initiative from me to wear it as often as I can, I'm able to function as a human again. Granted, I still can't work due to my dr watching my blood pressure like a hawk and the chance of contractions because I've already gotten them so often, but I can walk. I can go downstairs on my own. I can make the kids lunch and go to the park with them. These small things seem like huge triumphs for me and I'll gladly brag and boast about it.

When God strips your life of everything that's excess you start to realize exactly what's important and what you thought was important but was just a desire. I've learned, grown, been humbled, and have definitely seen Christ through my struggles and difficulty through the past couple of months with this pregnancy. For a while I had faded into the darkness, retreating into a much too familiar pit of self loathing and insecurity. But by the grace of God, and solely through Him, I have been brought back to the light and reminded that I never need to worry or feel worthless.

In 2 days I'll be 30 weeks pregnant with my second child and first son. I'll be 9 weeks, at most, from giving birth to our son. And today I'm feeling empowered and renewed thanks to a small gesture that meant everything to me. My mom and dad have been such a blessing since we found out I wasn't able to work anymore until after the baby is here. And I cannot express how without God in my life and without Him being the center of my marriage and my husband's life too, I wouldn't have gotten through this rough time as quickly and easily as I did. And it definitely wasn't that easy in my opinion.

Never take the simple things in life for granted. Because in an instant your life could be turned upside down and all of your constants turned into variables. Love life, love your family, love your friends, and be passionate without hesitation. But most of all, remember that Christ will never forsake you.

-Mrs. C

Battling Bed Rest Depression and Other Not So Fun Things

As I'm sure most of you know by now I've been on modified bed rest for almost 6 weeks. And to anyone that knows anything about me, you know that being bedridden with no company throughout the day has been especially hard on me. Since my back has just about left me incapable of taking care of myself or my daughter on my own most days she's been spending time at my mom's a lot more often than I'd like. Only because I miss her terribly and she was my only source of company.

At first I thought I'd be able to handle resting as much as I need to. I definitely invited the break and the excuse to lay in bed most of the day. But as the days wore on and they turned into weeks I could feel myself slipping into a depression.

Due to needing bed rest I had to leave my job before I intended to go on maternity leave and the financial strain has been a huge burden on our family without that extra income. I could see in my husbands eyes the stress and worry of bills, my health, the baby's health, our other 3 kids, the house work, his job, just everything was weighing on him tremendously. So I didn't add to it by letting him know just how lonely I was feeling or how worthless I've been feeling because I cant get any of the typical house work done that I normally do.

In my minds eye I needed to help him rise above his stress and help him place all of it on The Lord. I focused so much time and energy on trying to raise him up and lift his spirits that I didn't take care of my own emotional and mental wars that were raging at full speed in my mind and heart.

One thing my best friend knows about me is that I don't let myself cry. Not because I find it a weakness or because I'm above it, but because if I have a reason to cry and I let myself start, it will take days before its out of my system. This is far from healthy and I'm trying to work on it.
Finally, two days ago, I broke and just cried. I finally opened up to my loving husband and let him know all the things that were bothering me and all the weight I've been feeling. I couldn't even call to tell him because I was crying so much and so hard I wouldn't be able to actually speak. So I wrote it all down. Which in my opinion is a better way to communicate when you're emotional. You can look and read for yourself what you're thinking and make sure its worded the right way where it won't hurt the one you're trying to talk with. Without going in to details we know the things that both of us need to work on to make sure our spouse isn't battling emotions and stress on their own. Isn't that what marriage is about? Leaning on each other, supporting each other no matter what, and reminding each other to look to Christ for the answers and not ourselves? The worst thing you can do in a marriage is act like you're all you have and your spouse isn't there to help you. Dont follow the myth that you're the only one who has your back and dont believe that its better to appear strong than to let your spouse in and let them see the vulnerable side of yourself.

I'm still in a pretty dark place. And recent situations that have come up today have made it that much harder on me, but instead of keeping it to myself I told my husband. Just like every couple we have issues, but none of them are too great that we can't handle without God as our center. And with opening up more to each other I know that we'll be ok.

Dont be afraid to speak up and let your feelings and opinions be heard. Your voice matters tremendously in your marriage. After all, you make up half of the relationship. Understand the difference between things that aren't to be compromised that you need to stand your ground on: inappropriate behaviors, habits that make you very uncomfortable,  or anything that just makes you queasy or feel that its just plain wrong is something to speak up about. But if its just something that you dont like but won't put any harm on your marriage then you need to talk about compromise. Find a way to find a happy medium that you both can live with. But never let a gut wrenching feeling that what your spouse is doing is wrong keep you from speaking up about it. It might not be fixed immediately and you might have to both work on it together or get some counsel, but in the end the both of you will grow closer and your marriage will be stronger.

Depression is real, and if you're ever not feeling like yourself or find that you're sad or unaffected on the daily you should find someone to talk to. Whether its your best friend, family, pastor, counselor, or another member of your church. Find someone to talk to that won't pass judgement and truly wants to help you get better and be happy again.

Thanks to my mom and thanks to finally opening up to my husband I am on the road to being ok with being stuck in a bed all day long until my son is here in 10 weeks. Its one thing to logically know what you're supposed to do and what you're supposed to avoid, but feeling it first hand and letting anyone see that raw part of you is hard. But please dont underestimate the benefit of releasing that tension and stress. Even if its slight, you'll feel better.

-Mrs. C

What to do With Baby Blues?

Lately, I've been feeling incredibly useless. Being on bed rest has been beyond challenging for me. I've never been the one to not have some sort of plan to make income or to get into school. So being told I had to leave my job for a permanent place on my bed made my heart drop into my stomach. Of course I'll do anything to keep myself healthy so my baby boy will have all he needs before he makes his appearance in the world, but that doesn't mean its easy.

Yesterday was my daughter Julia's 4th birthday and I wanted to do my best to make it special even though we're struggling tremendously since I'm not working. So we went to toys r us for her free balloon and crown for the birthday club and she picked out 2 small toys, one of which was covered by her $3 card she got from Geoffrey the Giraffe himself. We spent a good amount of time in the store because Julia also helped me with my last registry before the baby shower next month. She loves 'shopping' for her baby brother. Even tho it needed to be done and even tho I wanted to keep going to make my daughters day as special as I could but that didn't change the fact that I started to get contractions. (Don't worry I'm ok and so is baby boy, I only had a handful throughout the day.)

But despite what my body was telling me, I still took Julia with my mom to Chic Fil A. I wasn't about to crush my daughters heart by needing to go home and lay down, even if I knew it would be painful. All during lunch I sat and hydrated while watching her play just thankful that at least her pregnancy wasn't as difficult as Oliver's.

Once back to my moms for cake and presents I put my feet up but still didn't glue myself to the lazy boy like my mom kept telling me to do and like I knew I should be doing. Julia loved the amazing gifts that my mom got for her and loved the cake even more. (Mostly because it was blue) We came home and let her play with her new toys until she fell asleep.

Today... well, today I wasn't feeling very full of worth. I spent all day in bed minus the 10 minutes it took to get Julia breakfast and lunch. I couldn't walk far, going down the stairs was something I dreaded, and forget even being able to play with Julia. I was hating myself and even tho I'm happy about being pregnant and love my son unconditionally, I was angry today. I don't know if it's been my prego hormones or just being fed up with constantly being home surrounded by so many things that I KNOW I can get done normally but right now I'm simply not allowed according to the dr.

I guess I kind of just had enough. I'm home all day long and my husband is out slaving at a highly physically demanding job then  come home to clean and wait on me? I was not a helpless damsel that needed to be waited on. I've always taken care of myself and my daughter and any one else that needed anything. Call it being bad at accepting help or being terrible at letting someone do something for me. But back pain and all I went downstairs and started cleaning the kitchen. Despite what my parents might think, cleaning is a form of therapy for me when I feel super emotional. I just kept cleaning even when my back hurt so bad I wanted to cry. I kept cleaning even when it looked like too much to handle. I just kept going because I was sick and tired of feeling like I was worthless to my house and to my family.

Granted I'm paying for my cleaning rage with back pain but I haven't had any contractions and what's even better than that is the fact that I feel like I DID something instead of just laying in bed. Even tho its just the kitchen, I feel like that's what I need to be doing. Keeping our house spotless and our kids entertained and educated.

I used to teach Julia preschool lessons every day, have regular cleaning and laundry days, be on a schedule, but now there's no structure, no rhyme or reason to my day except survival and I can't stand it.

Thankfully, my husbands view of me and who I am is very different from mine. He reminded me of what I've accomplished in his eyes, and reminded me not to be hard on myself because this is only temporary and we get the most amazing blessing out of all the difficulties. God bless my husband. Because even though I knew all of these things I don't think I knew I could accept it. I didn't know that it was OK to let people help. I didn't know it was OK for me to be a little selfish and take care of myself first if I need it.

I might have broke down a little but as ever, my husband was there to keep me from falling too far down the rabbit hole. He has been my saving grace since he walked into my life and saved me from a loveless life of continuing to grow cold towards anything other than my daughter. He saved me from so much more than I think he realizes. And I don't know where I would be without him today.

Ultimately, its ok if we have a moment of vulnerability. Its ok if we let someone else take the reins to help us. No matter how long we need it. As long as we never let go of that drive to do and be better. Its ok to do what you have to in order to reset and clear your head. Even if it makes you feel a little crazy ;) because I'm sure we've all felt like that at least once in our lives.

After all... sometimes you have to let yourself fall apart so God can put the pieces back together.

-Mrs. C

New Year With A Not So New Life

This past month has been very busy and a roller coaster of ups and downs. To back track a little bit there was a moment in time where my OB thought I had preeclampsia. Thankfully it was found to not be true but I'm still at risk for getting it and have officially been put on bed rest and had to stop working. It was the scariest time of my life so far. Thinking that if I had preeclampsia and if it got bad enough my son would have to come almost 4 months early. I freaked out.

Luckily my amazing husband was by my side through everything and calmed my fears and wiped my tears.

After being put on bed rest I had 2 hospital visits and 3 dr appointments within a month's time. At first I didn't really believe I needed bed rest. But after everything I went through, it became clear quickly that I needed to slow down and rest as much as possible.

And then came Christmas! Now granted our family holiday was only spread out on two days. But it still took so much out of me just to help the hubby with some light cleaning around the house and enjoy the party with family on xmas eve. I was so tired and so sore on xmas day that I went to bed before the festivities were even done.

We had an amazing Christmas tho. And we are so happy and thankful we've gotten the kids all but one day during their Christmas break. Its been a blessing and so much fun having all of our kids here with us.

With the new year coming quickly and the old year fading fast I couldn't help but feel a sense of completion. I've reached a point in my life where I don't feel like I'm missing anything. Christ is at the center and I try to strengthen my relationship with him daily. I have my husband who continues to take my breath away and surprise me every day. I have 3 beautiful kids with a baby on the way. My family is so supportive and has helped with so much its incredible. I have the most caring and incredible friends. My life is completed. At least that's how I feel about it.

New year's eve was a blast. I loved seeing my husband let loose, have fun, and just enjoy everyone around. That was the highlight of my new years eve. And finally having a new years kiss at midnight.

This new year is going to be complicated but amazing in so many ways. I'm looking forward to loving my family and just making more memories. God has so much in store for our family and I'm excited to see what 2014 brings.

-Mrs. C