About a week ago I was curled up in bed, crying, and wishing I could move. The back pain was so intense, so excruciating, that every tiny movement felt like an earthquake. Walking was next to impossible and being able to take care of myself was unfathomable. The next day my mom came to take Julia for the day, and she had returned a few hours later with food (I couldn't go downstairs and get myself anything) and a pregnancy back brace hoping it would give me some relief. Almost a full week later, with using my brace a few hours each day, I'm able to walk. I'm able to go downstairs. Im able to not worry about how I'm going to the dr. And for the first time in almost a month and a half, I was able to make dinner for my family without feeling any pain or discomfort from my back or contractions!
Praise God, because I was incredibly worried and slipping into a depression. Being virtually chained to a bed, with no company, and not being able to even do the simplest of tasks made me feel so small and insignificant I could barely stand it. Thanks to a $30 purchase my mom made, and some initiative from me to wear it as often as I can, I'm able to function as a human again. Granted, I still can't work due to my dr watching my blood pressure like a hawk and the chance of contractions because I've already gotten them so often, but I can walk. I can go downstairs on my own. I can make the kids lunch and go to the park with them. These small things seem like huge triumphs for me and I'll gladly brag and boast about it.
When God strips your life of everything that's excess you start to realize exactly what's important and what you thought was important but was just a desire. I've learned, grown, been humbled, and have definitely seen Christ through my struggles and difficulty through the past couple of months with this pregnancy. For a while I had faded into the darkness, retreating into a much too familiar pit of self loathing and insecurity. But by the grace of God, and solely through Him, I have been brought back to the light and reminded that I never need to worry or feel worthless.
In 2 days I'll be 30 weeks pregnant with my second child and first son. I'll be 9 weeks, at most, from giving birth to our son. And today I'm feeling empowered and renewed thanks to a small gesture that meant everything to me. My mom and dad have been such a blessing since we found out I wasn't able to work anymore until after the baby is here. And I cannot express how without God in my life and without Him being the center of my marriage and my husband's life too, I wouldn't have gotten through this rough time as quickly and easily as I did. And it definitely wasn't that easy in my opinion.
Never take the simple things in life for granted. Because in an instant your life could be turned upside down and all of your constants turned into variables. Love life, love your family, love your friends, and be passionate without hesitation. But most of all, remember that Christ will never forsake you.
-Mrs. C
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