I may not be a perfect parent, but I know I'm the best that I can be to the children I have. Children, just like people, are different in many ways. Some kids are whirlwinds that can just keep going no matter how they fall, trip, are spoken to, or are treated. Its almost like those kids are so resilient that nothing can really touch them, they fall down so hard they just bounce back up ready to keep running. Other kids are the complete opposite. Everything will set them off, make them cry, scare them, or intimidate them. Recently I got into a big argument with a family member over how I was talking to their kids and my kids all together. Without going far into detail the kids were all being unfair to one child which was wrong. In a normal voice, no yelling or raising it, I sternly let the kids know they needed to stop being so unkind and include everyone where not only one child was left out.
The kids all just said "Okay" and bounced along just fine like nothing had happened. But this family member decided that I had no right to speak to their kids this way or even MY kids. Now I'm sorry, but no matter who you are, you don't tell me how I can speak to my children. Especially when I was only talking and wasnt even raising my voice in any way shape or form.
This family member had the audacity to tell me that their kids are terrified of me and hate how I speak to them. Really? I'm pretty sure that NO child likes being scolded or told that the can't do something they want to do or need to stop doing something that they want to do. Now this family members kids are all incredibly sensitive and ridiculously obedient. To the point where you can just raise an eyebrow and they'll do what you ask. Not every child is like this. Especially not my kids.
Some kids are very easily guided while others will kick and scream and fight you just for the sake of doing it even when they have no problem with where you're trying to guide them. My biggest problem with this whole situation is the fact that I was made to feel like an inadequate parent simply because I parent different than this family member does. They literally took me outside and scolded me like I was their own child doing wrong, which I'm not.
I love my family but this member of the family has a bad problem with getting on the high horse and getting so accustomed to being up there they think that no one else is ever right but them. And after trying to talk to them a second time to get them to see things from my perspective they couldn't have cared less. The only thing important was their being right and my bowing out and acknowledging that i was wrong and would never do it again.
This is my apology. I'm sorry I dont have kids that can be spoken to in a whisper and still obey. I'm sorry I believe in teaching my children to respect me and understand that I am the parent and they have no authority over me. I'm sorry for instilling a sense of responsibility in my children by making sure they aren't selfish. I'm sorry that I believe children shouldn't be allowed to manipulate an adult by claiming they're "scared" simply because they didn't want to do what that adult asked them to do. But most of all I'm sorry that your children, unlike mine, are going to be ripped apart in the real world when the first person they have to deal with decides to tear into them because that's what the world teaches. I refuse to shelter my children to the point that they have no clue about the unnecessary cruelty in the world and will run and hide at the first sign of difficulty. I'm sorry that you refuse to open your eyes to any opinion other than your own. And lastly, I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not a perfect parent. But I am a damn good one that learns just like every other parent in the world. Through trial and error. It took a lot for me to finally see that I wasn't the one to blame. That I wasn't the one with the problem. But with my husband and other family members and friends reminding me of how far I've come and the amazing things I'm doing for my kids right now I can hold my head up high and say with confidence that I am a GREAT mom.
Its just too bad that you refuse to see it.
-Mrs. C
